NY might not be for me… YET.

This photo describes how I feel 

So there is a week left in MAIP. And I am stressed to the max. So stressed that I am actually fleeing here. I am stressed because in this dream world of mine I thought I would finish my internship and have the easiest (easier is a better word) time getting a job so I would be able to just move to NY after.

AS OF RIGHT NOW it’s not even possible.
So I am going to share with you guys where exactly my head is and ALL of the thoughts I have been having lately about EVERYTHING.

1. Do I stay in NY? I have a flight back to Texas on August 14th. Should I not take the flight and Air BnB and just go on as many interviews as I can? I don’t have the money to do that. BUT it is easier to get opportunities if I have an NY address because a lot of companies don’t want to give me money to relocate. Or should I just get my own place in hopes that I get a job sooner than later. What if I don’t though? Where is there an affordable apartment in NY? New Jersey? I don’t have time to dedicate to apartment or roommate hunting right now.

2. I’m tired.

3. I miss my family and friends. I really do. Why are true friends hard to find? In an ideal world Adri and Wyeisha would live with me in a closet apartment haha. That’s selfish of me though.

4. So Houston is not bad. I actually love Houston, but it’s comfortable. Mom says that she’ll help me find an apartment if I move back. I don’t wanna get stuck though. I WANT MY OWN SPACE THOUGH. OMG I would kill for my own one bedroom one bath. I’m sick of roommates and not being able to have candles. I like Houston. Houston is nice. Right? What if I live in Houston for a little and then move to NY after I’ve saved for a little? Houston’s a lot cheaper. Or should I move to Dallas? My best friends are there. I have already networked there, so maybe the chances are better for me to get a job there. Mom doesn’t want me to move back to Dallas.

5. I miss having a dog. Pets are therapeutic.

6. I have too much stuff to pack. There’s no way I am getting all my stuff back to Texas. Something’s gotta give.

7. What about portfolio school? It’s expensive but maybe that’s what I need. Maybe I could get my masters at the same time? VCU? VCU is in Virginia. I could live in Virginia. Crap. The next semester doesn’t start till Fall 2016.

8. There is so much to do for MAIP within the next two weeks week and a half.

9. I’m TIRED.

Sorry for ranting, but I needed to get it all out.
If you have any votes for what I should do I would love to hear it.




  1. Elizabeth
    August 5, 2015 / 4:12 am

    Hey, Elizabeth from TAMS here. I might not be the best or most experienced, but I am going to Canada (I'm actually in Oregon right now, in a cheap hotel room, hoping i don't get bed bugs), and i don't have anything. I have alex but WE don't have anything. We have a little cash in our pockets to pay for food but omg everyone i have talked to (REAL LIVE adults) have said to screw the money, to take the risk while we're young and have so much time ahead of us. You're smart and talented and extremely likable–you can make it, even in a place as tough as new york. Follow your heart and stay where you are happy, where you can be happy for a long time. Screw the money. There's plenty of time to make money. Take a risk, Taylor!!!

    • Taelor Pawnell
      August 6, 2015 / 1:55 pm

      Thanks Elizabeth! You have a good point. It's just hard for me to not have the security of a place to live that I can actually afford. I'll be back. I just need a moment to figure out what I am doing. </3 But that is exciting that you are headed to Canada! Please be safe and have fun. Let me know when you get settled because I would love to visit!

  2. Ash Sexton
    August 5, 2015 / 3:39 pm

    I would pray on taking the chance and staying in NY. It will be hard and exhausting and probably enormously more stressful, but there is growth in a bit of struggle and God always provides. I think if you move back home or to Dallas you will get comfortable and then have an opportunity to talk yourself out of moving back to NY. If you aren't ready now and you don't stay while amongst your confusion, when you're home and comfortable and relatively happy, are you ever going to truly feel ready enough to go back? I don't think you were blessed with this opportunity just to move back home. I think you should make that flight round trip, go home for a week or so, get recharged and bring your Stylish Sista butt back to NY. If you want to be in New York, ask God to provide everything you need. I will ask for you too lol. Because He can do it for sure. And so can you. xoxo ��

    • Taelor Pawnell
      August 6, 2015 / 1:57 pm

      Ashley!!! My Love! I miss you! Although you are so young you are so wise. You're right. I do need to come back. And I will. Thank you <3

  3. Aizya McGee
    August 25, 2015 / 3:44 am

    Although this was posted weeks ago and I've never met you personally, being from Texas I went through a similar dilemma earlier this month. I just got back to TX from PA, and I really struggled with the same decisions (esp. 1-4). It's a bit difficult, and I'm still figuring it out, but you seem like a very creative and talented person and I'm sure everything will work out! (If it hasn't already)

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