Life Update: 8 months of reflection, self-love, and a much needed hiatus

What an absolute whirlwind of a year it has been so far. Can’t believe that it’s been 8 MONTHS since I last posted a blog post. You guys know, I had every intention of being the best blogger I could be, the year of T, the whole shebang. But it’s been hard. I’ve had a hard time following through this year. Everything I planned on accomplishing I haven’t. I’d be lying if I said that this year hasn’t been hard for me.

I’ve decided to finally share what all has been going on with me being transparent and honest, as that’s all I know how to do. I’ve been scared to share but I’m hoping that by sharing you will feel as if you too are not alone.

So… PREPARE YOURSELF. A lot has happened and I will attempt to fill you all in on it all.

~*LONG POST ALERT!*~

The background

NOVEMBER 2017: If you read my last post “I’m walking on sunshine” you know that by this point I’ve fallen in love with my boyfriend, Aaron. Well, we shared our first holiday season with each other last year. Aaron spent Thanksgiving in Texas with my family. And although I was filled with excitement and nerves because I was introducing Aaron for the first time to my family, the trip carried a lot more weight. We found out that my Granny wasn’t doing well in the month of October. Knowing that we had the trip at the end of November everyone thought that we could wait. That she would be fine and all would return to normal. So I waited. Waited until Thanksgiving. I regret waiting. My Granny was so sick that by the time Aaron and I went to see her she could hardly speak. It was hard. I wanted so badly to share and introduce him to my Granny as I knew her. (*proceeds to cry*) I was glad we did get to see her though. She did this moaning as I talked to her. As if she knew it was me. And when I introduced Aaron to her she got silent as a mouse as I’m sure knowing my Granny that she was listening and judging what kind of guy he was. That I’ll never forget. My grandma passed away a few days after. I’m happy she and the rest of my family got to meet Aaron. Everyone loved Aaron. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with and having his strength next to me really reminded me why I love him. Thanksgiving gave me a new appreciation of time, of life, of family.

DECEMBER 2017: Aaron spent Thanksgiving with my family so I spent Christmas with his. I had met his family before so there was less of that nervousness. I actually spent all the way up to December 24th celebrating my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. GOALS! I rushed home from the airport, grabbed the gifts from my house and rushed to Aaron’s where he was waiting up for me. In his family, it’s tradition to open gifts that morning. He totally won our first Christmas (Don’t tell him that!) by getting me the iPad Pro and Apple Pencil that I had been wanting. I also worked really hard to coordinate a secret sibling photoshoot of Aaron and his siblings to surprise his mother and hopefully take home Girlfriend of the Year haha.

JANUARY – APRIL 2018: This is where the months begin to blend in for me. I honestly think I fell into a depression. I’m not sure when it started. I just remember being really unhappy with myself and what I had/hadn’t accomplished. I started comparing like crazy! From Instagram models to the art director next to me, everything turned into a “why not me?” “Wish that was me!” headspace. I’d constantly ask myself if this blog was worth deleting as I wasn’t getting the followers or traction as I felt I should or that other bloggers were getting. So I gave myself a month to figure it out calling it “social media break.” (Which is totally the cool way to it) That month turned into two, which turned into four and by that time I couldn’t even pick up a pen. I don’t know how to explain it other than I couldn’t find focus and I’ve been lazy honestly. Exhausted from just doing the bare minimum which is unusual for me. I gained a lot of weight. It was wild. I dyed my hair because obviously, that was a problem AND THEN I hated it originally so I cried about that. Between work and my personal life and the little bad voices in my head, I was in a permanent state of exhaustion. (I could talk about this more but in an effort to keep the blog reasonably long ? I’m going to just update and not offer any solutions. Maybe I’ll do a separate breakout post about this topic)

MAY 2018: For the first time I celebrated Aaron’s birthday and Aaron and I celebrated our one year anniversary! It’s wild to think about for me because it seriously does feel like we’ve been together a lifetime and I think that’s because in a short timeframe we’ve been inseparable and experienced a whole lotta life together. He’s seen all of me even the ugly Kim K cries that I want no one to see. So that was exciting because I hit a milestone with my boyfriend that I’ve never hit before! (Probably calls for another breakout blog post honestly)

In May, my baby sister turned 13! THIRTEEN. That was a lot to handle. It’s hard to watch her grow up from afar. AND to feel like it’s happening way too fast. (*~ deserves a follow up breakout post for sure~*)

Now

JUNE 2018 – NOW: I’m feeling better. Much better. I’m still struggling with loving all of me but I’m trying. Speaking all the good things about myself and being gentle.

I’m actively trying to work through my laziness when it comes to my blog. I could never get rid of it. Really it’s been such a release to be able to freely share my feelings. But It’s honestly like I’m a baby blogger again. I started with trying to post an Instagram photo a day. Actually not self-sabotaging and committing to getting this post out of my brain and onto my blog. Starting off small and following through. I’m not comparing myself anymore and I really trying hard to not be concerned about the likes or followers. To just share authentically (with a good shot and preset ;))

Aaron and I are doing great! I love him more than anything. He’s my favorite human. My best friend. (*~Definitely a follow up here as I know this is what you guys are really here for! And truthfully I’m here for it too!) Aaron and I are still figuring each other out. I want you guys to know that we argue. We’re human. We are still learning each other. But we committed to working through life and all of it’s obstacles together. We did start an Instagram of just us (@AplusTae). In hopes that became a section on my blog or spin off the blog of its own in the future. Look forward to that getting started once we figure out what we want to post.

Oh! And how could I forget!? We are moving in together in September! Say whattttttt?!!! That will be exciting. But I’m nervous. The New York housing hunt is dog eat dog. Fingers crossed for the perfect space for us. (I’m pretty sure I’ll get asks about this so I’ll definitely insert a couple breakout blog posts about this!)

My best friend from middle school is getting married! I couldn’t be more excited for her. I’m maid of honor which is wild! AND she’s getting married in Spain! So that’s been a whirlwind getting prepared to go to Spain. We leave in a couple days! It will be my first time overseas! (Maybe I’ll do a recap posts of the weddings if I get permission but expect a Spain recap for sure)

Um… and work is going well. I’m being challenged at my new agency. Can’t believe that I’ll have been there a full year in the next couple of days. I’m working a lot but getting really valuable experience and leadership experience. (*~Insert Follow Up~*)

Oh and in September I turn 25! The BIG 2-5! Truthfully I’m nervous about it. I don’t know how to feel. It’s a large milestone and it came wayyy to quickly. (*~Of course I’m doing my annual bday post~*)

Whew. If you made it through this I’m virtually high-fiving you. I told you it was a lot! It was freeing for me to share this all and reflect on where I’ve been and how I’ve grown. Thank you for reading. And thank you to everyone who checked on me the past few months. I love you and appreciate you all.

So what’s going on with you guys?! Tell me everything! Let’s chat. Feel free to comment below or message me. My DMs are always open for you guys! I’m serious!

I’m learning and growing. Reflecting and loving. Respecting my journey.

xox
T

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